i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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