Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
