i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
