I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
