im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
