My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ladies don't puke and tell
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