I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
