ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
