Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Damn victory sex feels great
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
