Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
