hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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