Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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