my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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