STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
