I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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