We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
