Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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