my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
