i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
