so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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