Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
