we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she pinky promised me she was 18
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
