do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
