you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
