Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
