I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
