guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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