sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's just like the Real World with babies
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
