tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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