Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
