So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
