she woke up with a sticky ear
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
