Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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