My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You took a bar mat shot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
