literally had 100 drinks last night.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
