I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
