Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
