Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
