The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
