dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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