I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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