It's Friday. Sex?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
