This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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