I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
