i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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