Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
