you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
