please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
