You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
