His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
