As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
